


The reality of us

by Writersgirl3



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Online posting, angry letters, venting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-08-28 13:50:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16724592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writersgirl3/pseuds/Writersgirl3
Summary: Virgil finally allows the anger that has built up out, in one of his more creative ways.





	The reality of us

Virgil's hands shake over the keyboard, tears once again slipping down his face as anger surges through him again. Why did this continue to be such a problem? Why did he have to keep doing this to himself.

Virgil takes a deep breath, before beginning the angry blog post he had typed out half a dozen times already, to just delete it. 

> _ How? How have you weaseled your way into my sanity that my tears more often than not have your name, and yet when they don’t, I still find a way to make them.  _

The same beginning sentences that he had typed, and he steadied his fingers to continue. 

> _ You torment me. You play with my heart and dote me with words as if you’re the only one who has ever looked at me that way, the only one capable of giving me such thoughts. As if you define who I am when I know in my seams that you don’t. _
> 
> _ You are as far from me as seems to be possible. I have shed too many tears, tears over your bitterness, your anger, you. _
> 
> _ Every phone call seems to end in tears, whether we fight or not, because reality tears apart at the very fissures of us. _

Virgil liked that sentence, he had written it several times in his notebooks, the entire thing had been so true to that sentence.

> _ We never made sense, yet you do and always will hold a spot in my heart that you don’t deserve. You pull the truth out then twist it so much that I don’t remember what I said before it. I am trapped in a world where you are up and down and every direction. _
> 
> _ I try to cut you out, by wearing the gifts you gave me. Because when I see it, I am reminded of the  joy you brought. Of kisses, and cuddles, and taking me to movies. I see the laughter, the moments sitting on the wall beside the highway, being late to class because of it. Our stolen moments that have no right to be mine. _
> 
> _ The bracelet reminds me that you have a heart. Its why I purchased a heart shaped clasp to hold it shut, because I want to remember you that way. I want to remember the Christmas  we exchanged presents, when I felt confident enough to tell you anything. The memory is better than the reality of truth. _
> 
> _ I wish to live in that world, a world where you loved me. Not the reality where you call me drunk, tell me you want to kiss me. Because you know how these play with my heart and you still use them. You want me to be there, but you don't want strings attached. I found the word for that, commitment issues. _
> 
> _ The memories of love are tainted. How many times did I ignore myself to help you, to be there. I allowed myself to be a rebound, available, anything. To have you.  _
> 
> _ I told others I knew you better, but that was a lie. Or perhaps, it wasn't, but I was too forgiving. I know who you are, I just tolerated it longer than I should have. Second chances turned into 80th, and 90th chances. You of course, never saw them as such, you only felt entitled. _
> 
> _ You chase people away, and complain as the victim. You complain to hate people, then whine about being lonely. You want someone to date and then broke up with me when I posted about it. You were only cowardice. _
> 
> _ I’ve lost count of the tears I’ve cried. One was too many, and each one should have been sealants to a gravestone, but instead they simply chipped at the stone of you, in attempt to bring you back. _
> 
> _ I was always only a stepping block to allow you to look higher, for someone better. I was not your someone better. _
> 
> _ So there. Its being said. You are selfish, manipulative, you find forgiveness to be weak and fuel yourself with anger. _
> 
> _ I’m not saying forever, let my forgiveness be my curse, but when you come look for forgiveness, it must be shown with true remorse. _

It feels good, seeing the words typed on screen. Slowly, he takes a deep breath, and moves his mouse, he hits send.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so this is 100% completely a vent write. I have an ex, ironically named Thomas, and I finally cut him out of my life (it was a toxic, borderline abusive friendship/relationship) that was super complicated. I lived it and even I'm confused. Anyways, briefly after I cut him out of my life, I wrote this in a memo on my phone. Well, the italicized part. It was honestly never really meant to go out into the world, but I honestly am kind of proud of it, so I adapted it a little, took out stuff that was more personal to the story and edited a few lines to make sense, and added in a tiny bit of story around it.  
> But if anyone cared for more backstory, there it is. I have found it very theraputic to allow myself to wallow in whatever emotion I have for a bit as I write it out. So really, I'm fine, I'm good, I just ended up actually liking how this was written so thats mostly it... Also, this is one sided too, because I know that I'm not blameless, but thats not the point of vent pieces.  
> Anyways, as usual, stalk me on Tumblr @Writersgirl3  
> -Tess


End file.
